Monday, June 20, 2011

today's reality.

We started this journey during a time in our lives when we were content with life in and of itself. We were enjoying time spent together, soaking up our days with just us--dreaming of the future, the "what-ifs" and kids, someday. We didn't decide to adopt due to infertility, but simply because God was moving in big ways and clearly made His will known for our lives. There was no better time to start the grueling process than that day. We looked with great anticipation for the day our home would be filled with little feet and little people's laughter, but we were content with where we were. Life has kept us busy and our minds occupied--and for that I'm grateful.

However, heart is struggling. Today the wait is tough. The finish line seems unreachable and the tears are not far off. Maybe it's purely due to exhaustion after a weekend of work or because we're nearing the 11 month mark. Maybe it's just today, for reasons beyond my understanding. Maybe it's because we have seen a picture of a little guy we thought God was calling us to and our court date should have been issued any day now. Maybe it's because it was Father's day yesterday and I so badly wanted to celebrate Jim with a picture of Zeke in hand. Maybe it's because it was Z's birthday Friday and the cake I had planned to bake didn't get done or because the special date is written in pen on my calendar and it's a daily reminder of what won't come to be.

....maybe, just maybe, it's a combination of the reasons above and today it just feels good to cry.

A dear friend sent me these quotes this morning--they're so good for my heart to hear and my soul to ponder.

Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.
Frederick Buechner

Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.
- Larry Crabb

Grateful His mercies are new every morning.
with love,


  1. I am so proud of you, and thankful that you're sharing your journey! I pray for you and Jim every time you come to mind.. and it was a lot this last weekend! God will make this all make sense :)